Norwalk blues...and browns

Anyone who has children is probably quite familiar with the following scenarios: You're in a deep sleep, a little person thumps into your room and says Mommy - my belly hurts. If you're not too tired from working, cleaning, taking care of kids, running them all around,etc... you might realize that this is your two second warning before BLEEECHHH!!! Vomit. Curdled milk and cheerios vomit. You might have enough time to rush them into the washroom, if you're consicous enough to consider that option.

If you're like me, and you're dead tired, have given up on trying to put a kid back to bed in the middle of the night, usually just let them climb in bed with you with the idealization that as long as everyone gets their sleep, you don't give a shit where they sleep - you invite them into your bed. You rub their little head with a there, there, go back to sleep, only to have them repeat that their belly hurts, cry a bit, start coughing then puke in your face. Or on your pillow, and all over your sheets, comforter, duvet, teddy bears, whatever is in the vicinity at the time the vomiting begins. You rush them over the side of the bed, where they barf on the floor, then on the way to the bathroom, they normally get one more big belly load of putrid waste out right on the floor in front of the toilet. By this time, your other half has woken up, is gagging and repeating, I can't clean that up, that's gonna make me hurl. So you clean your puke soaked child off, change their jammies and send them back to another bed with Dad. Then you clean the barf off the floors, strip the beds, start the washing machine, make your bed again and finally climb back in it. Then the alarm goes off and it's time to go to work!

These of course, are just a couple of flu scenarios. Add diarrhea to that mix and you've got another whole mess of fun.

Take little David the other night (scenario # 2 where I was too tired to realize he was going to be sick) I hollered for Trevor and he came and I went back to bed and left it all to him to deal with. I don't think he was impressed, but he didn't work the next day and I did so I fell back asleep and didn't feel a bit guilty. I've done it MANY times. Trevor's a trooper, he took David back to bed, where he got sick a few more times, but Trevor's quicker than I am, and got him to the bathroom. He had changed him into clean jammies, only to hear a little voice say, Daddy, I had a wet fart proceeded by a smell that could wake the dead. It goes without saying that a wet fart in jammie pants with no underwear is quite messy. He put him in the tub, then on the toilet then i think they finally went back to bed. Trevor told me they had just fallen asleep when David's little belly rumbled and it's contents spilled out into his undies. David curled himself nice and tight into Trevor's mid-section, (he's a cuddler) and that was what woke Trevor. The wetness spilling out of David's little tighty not-so-whities. Back to the bathroom, back to the tub. After they were cleaned up, back to bed and no more shit-cidents for the rest of the night.

The next morning, David woke up like nothing happened and was running around the house in high gear. Trevor looked like he'd been hit by a truck. David crashed at about 5pm for the night.

When a flu bug of this sort hits a house, it's only a matter of time before the others in the house get it. Harrison was next, then Trevor. I've been lucky so far, but i'm sure my time is coming. Harrison followed suit by announcing his intention to up-chuck at 4am, but at five years old, he's older and wiser, he got out of his bed and made way for the toilet. Alas, it was a good try, but there were still three wet gooey piles of puke in the hallway and on the bathroom floor. Luckily, it was not as eventful as David's middle of the night adventure. Up to this point, my head had been clogged tight and solid with a sinus and ear infection. I couldn't' smell a thing. Upon the first blowing of the nose in the morning, my ears unplugged. Harrison jumped in the shower to clean off a bit after a little mess in his drawers, and when finished, wrapped a towel around himself and went and sat at the computer. Just as I was getting dressed, I heard uh-oh, i did it again Mom. Bare-assed in the leather computer chair. It was almost simultaneous, Harrison's liquid movement, my sense of smell returning and the flu hitting Trevor full force. My entire house reeked of diarrhea, like the smell that hits you when you walk into an old folks home in the morning. It was wretched and unbearable. I could have gone without smell for a couple of more days.

A few hours later, Harrison is doing well and Trevor is now firing at both ends. As for me, I'm patiently waiting for the inevitable to happen. So if anyone knows of a good sale on Tide this week, let me know.

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Turkey with a side of vengeance anyone?

Shortly after I published this post, I lay in bed only to hear that ol' familiar tune...gurgle gurgle gurgle. My belly rumbled and rolled like thunder in the distance. I'm pretty sure the deer in our backyard headed for the hills and my children took cover. Holy sweet jesus. The belly cramps were reminiscant of labor pains, minus the pain medication. The pain not only hit my innards, but it travelled to my head and gave me a blinding migraine. There is really something to be said for having a toilet and a sink in very close proximity. Unfortunately, we didn't design our bathroom that way and it was at that exact moment when Norwalk ferventlly, repeatedly and simultaneously made it’s exit that I wished to god we had.

The only silver lining in this brown cloud called the flu was that it was fast and furious. Mine only lasted about 12-24 hours. Thank god.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever think of turkey on a bagel the same again. Once you live through that, it’s certain that you will give it consideration. I guess I can chalk it up to serves me right for eating carbs.